(film reel clicking) (cinematic music) (grandeur orchestral music) (lively instrumental music) >> Hello, Ms. Simmons.

>> Hello.

>> Hello, Mary.

>> Hello, Mr. Haskell.

>> Here's your shirts, Jimmy.

I turned the cuffs.

>> Oh, thanks very much.

>> It's little enough for letting Mary come here and practice every day.

>> Ah, it's all right.

>> How's she doing?

>> Ah, just don't you discourage her.

She keeps up these practices, she'll be able to play real good.

>> I'll be back in an hour.

>> Okay.

I'll take good care of her.

All right, hop to it, Mary.

(lively piano music) Mary, give me an A, will you?

(soft piano music) That's it.

Okay, thanks.

(lively piano music) >> Hey Jimmy, when you going to get some new records?

>> Well, you kids haven't quite worn out the old ones, yet.

>> Boy: Won't be long now.

>> Hi, Tommy.

>> Here's some eggs from our last lesson, Jimmy.

Tomorrow I'll bring the bacon.

>> Okay.

Here's your horn.

I think you left your music over there someplace.

(lively trombone music) (soft harmonica music) Oh, Uncle Charlie!

Hello, glad to see you.

>> Hello Jimmy.

I'm glad to see you too.

>> Well, this is quite a surprise.

What brings you up in this neck of the woods?

>> Well, I came up to see you, since you didn't take the trouble to answer my letter.

>> Letter?

Oh, well I wanted a little time to think it over.

Come on in, Uncle Charlie.

(loud instrumental music) >> I wrote you...

I wrote you three months ago.

>> Oh, is it that long?

I don't know, you know how it is, a fellow gets busy, and everything.

I need...

These things require whether you have to change the oil every thousand miles on them.

I'm going to join in.

(lively instrumental music) >> Jimmy.

Jimmy!

I came up to have an impromptu talk with you.

>> Go ahead, go ahead.

I'm listening.

>> Can't we go someplace without this infernal racket?

>> Oh.

Oh yeah.

We'll go right in my room, there.

>> Where?

>> Right over there.

Here we are.

Oh, not that chair, Uncle Charlie.

That needs a little fixing.

I took it in on a trade for a secondhand clarinet.

>> Jimmy, I'm not going to beat around the bush.

As you know, you and I have not been very close.

After all, we are the last of the Haskells.

>> Oh, is that very serious?

>> It is to me.

I want to keep the name of Haskell in the health food business.

>> Yeah, well, I understand how you feel, Uncle Charlie.

I want to keep the name of Haskell in the music business.

>> I'm talking about big business.

Can't you understand?

I need you, Jimmy.

Someday, you're going to get everything I've got.

But you're not going to get it if you persist in frittering your life away in this town.

This whistle stop.

>> I like it here.

My dad was happy here.

>> Oh, I could never understand my brother.

And I told him when he opened this place, he'd never make a go of it.

>> Well, he kept it fairly successfully for 25 years.

That's not bad.

>> If he'd listened to me, he'd been a rich man.

But no.

So what did he have when he died?

>> The biggest funeral this town ever saw.

Everybody was there.

>> Why not?

Everybody owed him money.

>> Well, maybe so.

Dad just had a wonderful time living.

He liked things.

He liked to hunt and fish.

He liked music.

>> Music!

>> Yeah, he talked a great deal about you.

>> He did?

>> Mm-hm.

Always seemed to feel so sorry for you.

>> Sorry for me!

>> You didn't get anything out of life.

Just making money.

>> Is that so!

Since when has making money been a crime?

Since when... Oh, I'm not going to argue with you.

And I'm not going to let myself be upset.

No sir!

(chair clattering) Jimmy!

Jimmy!

>> Uncle, I'm sorry.

>> Don't hit him, Jimmy.

He's an old man.

>> Oh no.

It was just the chair, you see.

Are you hurt, Uncle Charlie?

>> Oh, don't mind me.

>> Oh, hello Bud.

>> Can I talk to you for a minute?

>> Oh, yeah.

Well, outside here.

Will you excuse me a minute, Uncle Charlie?

>> Afraid I've got some bad news for you, Jimmy.

>> Well, what's the trouble, Bud?

>> I'm supposed to tack up this attachment, unless you can dig up some money.

>> Oh.

Well, I guess you have to tack it up.

Unless you think eggs are going to go up to $500 a dozen, all of a sudden.

>> Let's see what you can do.

I'll hold this off as long as I can.

>> Okay.

Thanks, Bud.

Oh.

He was just telling me about some people that wanted some musical instruments.

>> He's the sheriff, isn't he?

>> How'd you know?

>> I knew his father.

He was serving a paper on your father the first time I came up here.

>> That's right.

>> Well Jimmy, what's it going to be?

You can stay here chasing rainbows, or you can come with me.

I can show you a real pot of gold that's yours for the taking.

>> I... >> Wait a minute.

That's a good idea for my radio program tomorrow night.

You've heard my happiness hour, of course.

>> Oh yes.

Everybody's heard that.

Once.

>> Listen to this.

The clouds that make the day so gray, must sooner or later pass away.

There's always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Good old homespun philosophy.

>> Oh boy.

>> Well, I've got to be going.

What are you going to do?

>> Well, I'll tell you Uncle Charlie, unless a miracle happens in the next few days, it looks like I'll slide down that rainbow.

>> Fine.

>> Land right in the pot.

>> What was I saying?

>> And furthermore.

>> And furthermore, I see no reason for changing- (cymbals booming) What was I saying?

>> And furthermore.

>> And furthermore, I see no reason for changing the air guns we are now using to puff our rice and other cereal.

(cymbals booming) Our present air guns are exceptionally quiet in operation.

I therefore would suggest- (lively instrumental music) There goes that band again.

Oh, I'll fix this.

(lively instrumental music continues) How can a man transact any business with that going on day after day?

Tom toms.

Jungle screechers.

They're a menace to sanity.

(cymbals booming) What did I say?

>> Tom toms and jungle screeches.

>> No, no.

But that's what I mean.

The McCorkles took that band in their house just to annoy me.

That's why they've ignored all of my protests.

>> Well, I understand it's a new band, just organizing.

>> Who wants a new band!

Let them organize in a cave somewhere.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

(cymbals booming) I'll settle this once and for all.

Hey!

Hey!

You!

Hey!

Hey, you!

Hey!

Hey Buddy!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

>> What's the matter?

>> Stop that gad blasted bedlam, or I'll have it stopped!

>> Oh, you will, eh?

Ha.

You and who else?

>> The police!

I'll have that gang of noisy lopers thrown in jail for disturbing the peace!

>> Disturbing the peace, are we?

(drums booming) What about that air gun of yours booming all day and night?

I suppose that's a baby's lullaby, you white-headed old baboon.

(drums booming) (crowd laughing) >> That boom is this business.

And besides, we're all used to it.

>> The band is business.

And you'll get used to Tora Torrone Habnuck.

>> I'll get out an injunction.

>> Oh you will, eh?

Well listen, you black-hearted old skin flint, for years you've tried every trick to make me sell my house here so you could enlarge your factory.

Well, I'm not selling, Haskell.

Not at your price.

So go ahead.

Call the cops if you think you can have this band thrown out of here.

>> You just wait.

You'll find out!

(somber trombone music) (crowd laughing) >> Go ahead boys, go to it, but loud.

Ha, ha!

(lively instrumental music) >> Jasper!

Go get Jasper.

Jasper!

Jasper!

Go get him!

Find him!

Don't stand there like a dummy!

Do I have to do everything myself around here?

Jasper!

Jasper!

>> Do you want me, CJ?

>> Do I want you?

Why aren't you here when I need you?

Go get the police!

>> The police, CJ?

>> The militia, if necessary.

That McCorkle woman has insulted me for the last time.

>> But you said that before, CJ.

>> I know, but this time I mean it!

That band is driving me insane!

>> It certainly is.

>> Go on!

Have them arrested!

>> I will.

>> Good!

♪ Hi sir ♪ ♪ Whatcha cooking ♪ ♪ Hi sir, how's she looking ♪ ♪ Life will be as sweet as can be ♪ ♪ If I can find a cookie that's a-looking for me ♪ ♪ Hi, sir ♪ (woman scatting) ♪ All day long, I wash-y and dry ♪ ♪ To keep my little cookie away from Shanghai ♪ ♪ Shine for you ♪ ♪ 10 cents to ply the rubber new ♪ ♪ You're sure to get a real shampoo ♪ ♪ The real Magoo ♪ (horn honking) ♪ Fresh fish ♪ (lively instrumental music) (man scatting) ♪ The fortune teller told me I would go and clean up ♪ >> Are the apples good?

>> Just like I sell the Ritz Carleton.

>> Well then, they oughta do for the McCorkles.

I'll take a half a dozen.

Here, Willie.

>> What am I, your packhorse?

>> Will there be anything else, Miss Molly?

>> No, that'll be all, thank you.

Here, stupid.

Well, take it.

Thank you.

Come on.

Too bad you can't carry a few bundles without complaining.

>> Oh, I don't mind carrying them.

>> Well, who are you?

>> I'm the guy who's carrying the bundles.

>> (giggles) Well, thanks.

I thought my brother Willie was behind me.

>> Oh no.

No, he went ahead of me.

>> I'm terribly sorry.

(laughs) You must have been surprised.

>> No, no.

I guess life in the big city's just one big surprise after the other.

>> For instance?

>> Well, for instance, band music coming down out of the sky in broad daylight.

>> Oh, that.

That's up on our roof.

>> On your roof?

Is it?

>> The band is strictly on the house.

Until we get a job.

>> Oh.

Well, you with the band?

>> Well my sister Donna and I sing with it.

My brother plays in it, but mother feeds it.

>> Oh.

I see.

Well, it certainly is a swell band, up there.

>> There's a slight difference of opinion around here about that.

>> Oh, you mean the neighbors object?

>> Oh, no.

The neighbors are a... Uh-oh.

Here comes trouble.

>> Well, Miss McCorkle, as you can see, I'm here with the law.

>> For protection, eh?

>> Certainly not.

We're here to give you the last warning.

That music must cease.

Definitely, once and for all.

>> I'm coming, Molly.

What does this weasel want this time?

As if I didn't know.

>> No violence, now.

Speak to her, officer.

>> Hello, Mom.

(crowd laughing) >> And in my company, Mac.

>> Well, I've been sent to deliver an ultimatum.

>> Oh, you have, have you?

>> Yes.

And that band must go.

They're disturbing the peace of the entire neighborhood.

>> Well, the entire neighborhood.

Does it disturb you, Mrs. Poppadolis?

>> Not me, it keeps me young.

>> Disturbing the peace.

What about you, Mrs. Sweeney?

>> It's a big advantage to me.

My old man can't fight when he hears music.

(crowd laughing) >> They will, will they?

McCorkle hoodlums.

They'll rob you.

>> Now, go back to your kennel, and tell old man Haskell what you heard.

Go on now!

(crowd shouting) >> Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

>> What's going on here?

>> You've heard about the feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys, haven't you?

>> Yeah.

>> Well, this is the one between the McCorkles and the Haskells.

>> What did you say?

Who?

>> Come on.

(crowd shouting) >> Well, what are you doing?

>> I'm looking for a nice soft.

(crowd shouting) >> Quit kicking me!

Quit kicking me!

>> Look out.

>> Now, just a minute, just a minute.

You might miss him.

Down.

>> Oh, you hoodlums!

You'll pay for this, you hoodlums!

>> Now!

>> Oh, just like a- (fruit splattering) (crows roars) >> Gosh, I hit the wrong man.

>> Oh no, you didn't.

You hit the right man.

Run!

>> Well, wait- >> Come on!

(crowd laughing) >> Oh!

It's blood!

I've been shot, I've been stabbed.

>> You're all right CJ, take it easy.

>> No, I'm not all right.

Call a doctor, call an ambulance.

>> But that isn't blood, CJ!

>> It isn't blood?

Well, what is it?

What is it?

>> Tomato juice.

Somebody hit you with a tomato.

(crowd laughing) >> All's clear.

Come on in.

>> Whew.

Boy, you sure do know your backyards and fences.

>> Oh, I'd have made better time yet, if I hadn't had to wait for you.

>> Well, I didn't want to ask you to carry my suitcase.

>> Have a donut, hero.

It's the best I can offer.

>> All right.

Hero, me?

>> You certainly are.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if they put up a statue of you throwing that tomato.

You know, like the discus fellow?

>> Oh, well that was an accident, hitting that man.

>> Accident?

That was a stroke of genius.

If you only knew how everybody hates old man Haskell.

>> They do?

Why?

>> Why?

I could give you a reason for every dollar he's got in the bank.

Do you know that he tried to drive us out of our home because he doesn't like music?

>> He's sort of a stickler, isn't he?

>> And how.

Believe me, the name of Haskell's pure poison around here.

>> Eh.

Well, guess I'd better be going.

>> Oh, what's your hurry?

>> Well, I have to find a place to live.

I sort of expected to live with a relative of mine, but it doesn't seem like a very good idea now.

>> Well, if you'd like a place where there's never a dull moment, what's the matter with this?

>> Well, I didn't know- >> Ay, yay, yay.

What's going on here?

Who are you and what do you want?

>> Mom, he's looking for a place to live.

>> Oh.

Are you a new member of the band, or would you be living here on a cash basis?

>> Mom, this is the fellow that hit old man Haskell with a tomato.

>> Oh, glory be.

(laughs) You darling!

Why didn't you tell me.

So you're the fellow.

(laughs) Now, listen young man.

You're not looking any further.

You're gonna live right here with us.

Here, give me the bag.

>> Well, that's very nice of you, but- >> There'll be no buts now.

Why, the best room in the house is none too good for you, whether you can pay for it or not.

Come on now.

Give me the bag, you're not leaving this room.

>> Well, I'll get the bag.

>> Mrs. McCorkle: Willie!

Willie, where are you?

>> Molly, I've been looking for you.

I've got that arrangement finished.

>> Oh, fine.

Shall we try it?

>> Right now.

>> I want you to take this bag up to the big room.

>> Aw, can't anybody besides me ever carry anything around here?

>> Go on with you now!

You're always grumbling.

>> I'm not grumbling.

>> Let me see it.

>> All right.

>> Gee, these changes are swell.

Slide over, Frankie.

All right boys, let's go.

(lively instrumental music) ♪ Say, when he starts to play ♪ ♪ The kids begin to trail him ♪ ♪ And they all say, hooray for Pete the Piper ♪ ♪ When he plays his song, all the kids will never fail him ♪ ♪ They sing a song along with Pete the Piper ♪ ♪ People gather round when they hear the sound ♪ ♪ The camels are humming hooray, hooray ♪ ♪ When the lively Pete catch the Piper's beat ♪ ♪ They start to sway ♪ ♪ And then it isn't long 'til all the folks are dancing ♪ ♪ Their hearts are gay when he would play them a song ♪ ♪ When he's done all that, they pass the hat ♪ ♪ For fascinatin' Pete the Piper man ♪ (lively instrumental music) (lively harmonica music) (soft harmonica music) >> Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to butt in.

>> Get him, boys.

>> Sorry, I didn't mean to bust things up.

>> Quiet, please.

Can you read music?

>> Sure.

>> Play it like this.

>> Me?

>> Stand over there.

Okay, Frankie.

Pick it up.

(lively instrumental music) ♪ People gather round when they hear the sound ♪ ♪ The camels are coming ♪ ♪ Hooray, hooray ♪ ♪ Now it won't be long ♪ ♪ Do-do-do, do-do, do ♪ ♪ 'Til all the folks are dancing ♪ ♪ Do-do, do-do ♪ ♪ Their hearts are gay, when he will play them a song ♪ ♪ When he's done all that, they pass the hat ♪ ♪ For fascinatin' Pete the Piper man ♪ (lively instrumental music) ♪ The fascinatin' Pete the Piper man.

♪ (all cheering) >> Boys!

Look who's here!

Grady!

(laughs) (crowd chattering) >> Grady!

Grady!

>> Oh, Molly!

How are you?

>> Grady's been pounding the beat out by the garbage dumps.

A little argument with old man Haskell.

>> Grady, you should have been here a little while ago.

You'd have been even for life.

>> Yeah?

What happened?

>> Oh boy, plenty!

(crowd laughing) >> They call it poetic justice.

>> Good, good.

>> Good?

It was perfect!

(crowd laughing) >> Well, come on, come on.

Out with it.

>> Well, old man Haskell came steaming over here.

>> Yeah?

>> And he got hit with a tomato!

(crowd laughing) >> Right in the kisser!

(crowd laughing) >> It was a soft one, naturally.

(crowd laughing) >> The hit and run kind.

>> Nobody knows who did it, I hope.

>> No.

Nobody but me.

But I'm big hearted.

Boys, meet the sharp shooter.

(crowd chattering) >> Molly McCorkle, will you never learn to keep your big mouth shut?

>> What did I say?

>> Too much.

>> Open up boys, open up.

Just open up.

Open up.

My boy, you should have a medal.

Yes sir, I'm sorry I can't be giving you one, instead of this.

>> Oh, thanks very much.

What is it?

>> It's a warrant for assault and battery.

Old man Haskell swore it out.

>> Mm-hm.

>> Come on, son.

>> Huh.

>> Wait.

Hey, wait a minute.

Grady!

Wouldn't you like to give me a good swift kick before you go.

>> Oh, that's all right.

This has been fun here, and I enjoyed jumping over those fences with you.

If I ever get this thing straightened out, I hope you'll let me come back sometime.

And well thanks for that donut.

That was all right.

Well, come on, Grady.

>> Oh, yes, yes.

(gavel banging) >> Our next case- >> Hold on making judgment, be right there!

Molly, where are you?

Come on, pick up the pace, it's starting.

>> Order.

Order in the courtroom.

Mary McCorkle, sit down.

>> Now listen, Mike.

Don't you be getting on your high horse with me.

>> Sit down.

Now, what's this case all about?

Young man, what's your name?

>> My name?

>> Judge: I'd prefer your real name.

>> Uh-huh.

Well, my name is James Hamilton.

>> James Hamilton.

Here, put that down.

And where do you live, James Hamilton?

>> He lives with us, at my house.

>> 419 63rd Street.

Now, tell me James, how did you get enmeshed in the coils of the law?

>> I threw a tomato.

(crowd laughing) >> He's so modest, Mike.

(laughs) He hit a bullseye right in old man Haskell's face.

(laughs) >> He did?

(laughs) (gavel banging) (crowd laughing) Where were we?

>> I'd just thrown the tomato, your honor.

>> Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Ahem.

And now, tell me, Jimmy, my boy, did you, with premeditation and intent, deliberately aim at the foresaid Haskell's face?

>> Well- >> Add the defendant refuses to answer on the grounds that he might incriminate himself.

>> Glory be, Mike.

You certainly know the law.

>> Having weighed the evidence, the court rules that the case be postponed and the defendant released on bail.

Provided anybody has any money.

>> We have $200, is that enough?

>> That was the exact sum that the court had in mind.

Who has it?

>> I have it, your honor.

>> The clerk will accept it.

(gavel banging) Next case.

>> Thank you, Mike.

>> I'm sorry, please.

Will you move over?

>> Who ya pushin'?

>> I'm not pushing you.

>> Take it easy, will you?

>> Hey, wait a minute.

>> Don't you push me.

>> Here comes double pneumonia.

>> Open the windows, boys.

I smell stale tomatoes.

(crowd laughing) >> Very funny, Mrs. McCorkle, very funny.

I only wish it had been you that threw that tomato.

>> So do I.

Only I'd have put a rock in it.

>> Oh, you would?

Well, let me tell you- (gavel banging) Proceed with the case, judge.

I'm here.

Where's the man that assaulted me?

>> Judge: If you don't mind, I'll conduct this case without any advice from you.

>> Mrs. McCorkle: That's telling him, Mike!

(crowd laughing) (gavel banging) (engine idling) >> Move along.

In you go.

All right, take it away, Eddie!

>> I bring a legitimate charge against a hoodlum!

And before I can give my evidence, the thug is permitted to walk out right under your nose!

>> In the first place, he wasn't under my nose.

And in the second place, the defendant was released on bail.

And in the third place, you're in contempt of court.

And I sentence you to 25 days, or $25.

>> Oh, that isn't enough, Mike!

(gavel banging) >> Quiet, quiet.

>> This is an outrage.

It's a travesty on justice.

>> $50 or 50 days.

>> What!

>> Make up your mind.

>> It's worth $50 to tell you what I think.

>> Is it worth $100?

>> All right.

But you wait until the next election.

You wait until- >> I'm waiting.

>> Until the...

Your honor, it appears that I haven't any money with me.

>> Take him away, bailiff.

>> You can't do this to me!

(gavel banging) >> The court declares a recess.

>> You can't do this to me!

(soft music) ♪ And he sings in me ♪ ♪ I love moonlight ♪ (crowd cheering) (crowd chattering) >> Hey, boss?

What about "When Johnny Toots His Horn?"

>> What did you say?

>> "When Johnny Toots His Horn."

>> "When Johnny Toots His Horn."

(crowd chattering) (lively harmonica music) ♪ You gotta get up, you gotta get up ♪ ♪ You're in the Army now ♪ ♪ Johnny blows the bugle ♪ ♪ Knows the calls from A to Z ♪ ♪ But he's always at his best when blowing Reveille ♪ (soft harmonica music) ♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪ ♪ Disturbing the peace and breaking the dawn ♪ ♪ You've got to get up ♪ ♪ You're in the Army now ♪ ♪ Before your eyes are open ♪ ♪ You're dressing on the run ♪ ♪ Then standing at attention ♪ ♪ With the Sergeant's hat on the Corporal gun ♪ ♪ Oh, Johnny blows and blows ♪ ♪ He toodle-y toots you into your clothes ♪ ♪ And makes you rue the day that you were born ♪ ♪ Day you were born ♪ ♪ There's nothing anyone can do ♪ ♪ The Captain has to make it, too ♪ ♪ You've got to get up ♪ ♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪ (shoes shuffling) ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ ♪ Da-na, da-na, da-na, da-na-na-na-na, da-na-na-na-na ♪ (man whistles) ♪ La-la-la-la-la, pa-ka, pa-ka, pa-ka ♪ ♪ He toots you out of slumber ♪ ♪ He toots you out of bed ♪ ♪ He toots you into line, and then he goes somewhere ♪ ♪ And he hangs his head ♪ ♪ But still he blows and blows and blows ♪ ♪ Blows and blows, blows and blows, blows and blows ♪ ♪ And blows, and blows and blows, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ He wakes you with his crazy tune, then goes to bed ♪ ♪ And sleeps 'til noon ♪ ♪ You've gotta get up when Johnny toots his horn ♪ ♪ He stands behind the barricade ♪ ♪ And plays his morning serenade ♪ ♪ The Private gets up ♪ ♪ The Corporal gets up ♪ ♪ The Sergeant gets up ♪ ♪ Lieutenant gets up ♪ ♪ The Captain gets up ♪ ♪ The Major gets up ♪ ♪ The Colonel gets up ♪ ♪ The General gets up ♪ ♪ The Army gets up, and we've got to get up ♪ ♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪ ♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪ ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ ♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ >> Music.

Music!

Even in jail, I hear music.

>> You'll get used to it.

♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪ ♪ Dum- ♪ >> What's this?

Huh?

Let me down!

Take your hands off of me and stop this nonsense!

You're nothing but a lot of hoodlums!

Jimmy, my boy.

>> Uncle Charlie, well fancy meeting you here.

>> It's a gross miscarriage of justice.

Ha, but they can't do this to me.

On the other hand, what are you doing here?

>> Oh well, just another country boy got mixed up with a lot of evil companions.

(crowd chattering) >> What's wrong, Sheriff?

>> We have more prisoners in here we have commitments.

Someone sneaked into our jail.

>> What?

>> Yeah.

Defrauding the taxpayers, that's what it is.

All right, gangway boys.

Come on, come on.

Line up over there.

Line up.

You.

What's your name?

>> Haskell.

>> Haskell.

>> Okay.

We've got a Haskell.

>> All right, stand over there.

What's your name?

>> Haskell.

>> You... A wise guy, huh?

I suppose you're all named Haskell?

>> All: Yeah.

>> What's your initials?

>> James H. >> I got no James H. nothing.

>> So you're the stow away.

Come on, get out of here.

You oughta be locked up for pulling a stunt like this.

>> James, my wallet is on my desk in the office.

Get it and pay my fine, will you?

>> Okay, Uncle Charlie.

I'll be right back.

So long, fellas.

(crowd chattering) >> Hey.

Can you sing?

>> No, I hate music.

>> We gotta do something about this, boys.

>> Yeah.

>> Come on, get him over here.

>> Now, say ah.

♪ Ah ♪ ♪ Ah ♪ >> Hey, Jimmy.

Where have you been?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Hello.

Me?

Oh, I've had to uh- >> What's the matter?

>> Well we've been looking all over town for you.

>> Yeah.

>> You have?

What for?

>> What for?

Oh boy, come on.

Hey, here's Jim.

Molly, Jimmy's here.

>> What?

What did I tell you?

I knew he'd come back.

What happened, and where have you been?

>> I got locked up again by mistake.

>> Oh, you certainly had the boys worried.

They've been sitting here chewing their fingernails, thinking you'd run out on them.

>> Well, why am I so popular all of a sudden?

>> They pawned their instruments to bail you out.

>> Molly's idea.

>> Oh, well, thanks.

Very nice to know that I'm worth $200 on the hoof.

>> First call for dinner!

Jimmy!

You're back!

Oh, you'll eat at the first table.

Take care of him, Molly.

(crowd chattering) Don't touch a thing.

Get up from the table, all of you.

>> Why, what's the matter, Ma?

>> Have you forgotten you have a new member to initiate into the clan?

>> Here, you sit next to the hearth.

>> What?

>> Come on Willie, get up.

>> Come on, nothing stop ya.

>> Oh Ma... >> Here you go.

>> What- >> Sh!

(soft music) ♪ Hail, McCorkle ♪ ♪ Hail McCorkle ♪ ♪ We'll proudly sing thy praise ♪ ♪ Mmm, mmm ♪ ♪ Hail McCorkle, hail McCorkle ♪ ♪ Where no one ever pale ♪ ♪ Welcome to this university for the fraternity ♪ ♪ So bowl them down with ra-ra ♪ ♪ Welcome to our little college ♪ ♪ Hooray ♪ ♪ And as we march along, we'll sing our college song ♪ ♪ A knife, a fork, and a spoon will beat out a happy tune ♪ ♪ You'll all feel chummy as you fill your tummy ♪ ♪ With a knife, a fork, and a spoon ♪ ♪ Start tap-tap-tapping a dish ♪ ♪ You'll get your favorite wish ♪ ♪ Send troubles past you ♪ ♪ While you're corned beef hashing with a knife ♪ ♪ A fork, and a spoon ♪ ♪ At Mama McCorkle's table, that's where we play each night ♪ ♪ We eat all that we're able, so we may fuss ♪ ♪ It's home to us ♪ ♪ So come on, lift up your cup ♪ ♪ Let's drink it down, bottoms up ♪ ♪ Through stormy weather, we'll all stick together ♪ ♪ With a knife, a fork and a spoon ♪ (glasses vibrating) (glasses whistling) ♪ We're gathered round the table ♪ ♪ We're real friends through and through ♪ ♪ We're gathered round the table ♪ ♪ To eat Ma's Irish stew ♪ ♪ Ma's Irish stew ♪ (glasses chiming) (glasses whistling) ♪ Mmm ♪ ♪ Boarding house, dear boarding house ♪ ♪ From we will never roam ♪ ♪ Oh, boarding house, dear boarding house ♪ ♪ To us you're home sweet home ♪ (all chattering) >> Say, that was all right.

>> You can now consider yourself a full-fledged member of the McCorkle clan.

>> Oh.

Well, do I make a speech?

>> If you do, you'll starve to death.

>> Huh.

Hey, look at this Irish stew.

There you are.

>> Tomatoes?

>> Thank you.

>> Well, help yourself.

>> No tomatoes.

>> What's the matter?

>> Oh, nothing.

Pardon me.

Would you excuse me?

I don't feel very well.

>> Oh, it's probably too much excitement.

>> Well, maybe you're right.

The jail and everything.

Well, I think I'll be all right if I go out and get some fresh air.

>> Willie, you better go with him.

>> Sure.

>> Oh, well you don't... Well maybe I'd be better off if I just went up to my room for a while.

>> Willie, show him his room.

>> Come on.

Willie does everything around here except eat.

>> If you want anything, just holler.

>> Home sweet home.

>> Oh, thanks.

Uh-huh.

♪ When Johnny toots his horn, disturbing the peace ♪ ♪ And breaking the dawn, you've gotta get up ♪ ♪ To too to toodle.

♪ >> Men: No, no, no.

>> Oh, it's outrageous, outrageous.

>> I know it, but you're getting better.

>> I don't want to be better.

And I still hate music.

>> You're so unreasonable.

>> All right.

All right.

Now, let me go.

>> Now try it again and put in some gestures.

♪ When Johnny toots his horn, disturbing the peace ♪ ♪ And breaking the dawn, you've gotta get up ♪ ♪ To-too-to too-too ♪ ♪ You're in the Army now ♪ ♪ Before your eyes are open, you're dressing on the run ♪ ♪ The corporal's got the Sergeant at attention with his gun ♪ ♪ And Johnny blows and blows ♪ ♪ He toodle-y toots you into your clothes.

♪ >> Break it up, there.

(crowd chattering) >> Where have you been?

You'll be sorry for this.

Look what they've done to my voice.

How am I going to broadcast the Haskell Happiness Hour tonight?

>> Well, would there be any complaints if you just called the whole thing off?

>> What?

>> Yeah, tell them you lost your voice singing in a jail.

>> Don't be ridiculous.

>> Ladies and gentleman, due to circumstances beyond our control- >> Oh, ho ho.

>> We again bring you the Haskell Hour of Happiness, with CJ Haskell.

Makers of Haskell's Patty Cakes, the health food supreme.

>> Ladies and gentlemen.

I can't do it, I'm sick.

I'm croaking.

Jimmy, you do it.

>> Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh, none of that no- >> Yes.

>> Mr. Haskell will be with you in just a moment.

>> Sh!

Be quiet.

>> Ladies and gentlemen!

>> Sh!

Sh.

Sh.

>> Tonight I want to share a little poem with you.

We all should be grateful and happy as kings.

The world is so full of such wonderful things.

The rain and sun help the Earth to grow wheat, perhaps it's the most- >> Hey, Willie!

>> Any cereal we eat.

>> What do you want?

>> Listen to this, will you?

>> Jimmy: The sun on the ocean, sparkling and bright- >> What do you want to listen to that stuff for?

>> Just listen for a moment.

>> And the planets at night.

The pansies and lilies, the primrose so fickle, they're ours to enjoy without spending a nickel.

(Jimmy thudding) >> Good evening, sir.

>> Good evening, Parks.

Parks, is the guest room in order?

>> Certainly, sir.

>> This is my nephew, Mr. James Haskell.

>> Oh.

How do you do, sir?

>> Same to you.

>> Pardon me, is your luggage in the car, sir?

>> Luggage?

Oh, I just had one suitcase, and I left- >> What are you whispering about?

>> I don't know.

You started it, sir.

>> I lost my voice singing.

>> Singing?

You sir?

>> Yes, I was- >> I think I'd better go and get my suitcase.

>> You won't need it.

We have everything here.

Come on.

Well, here you are, my boy.

This is all yours from now on.

I'm so happy to have you with me at last.

>> Well, thank you, sir.

>> In case you need anything, it's right there.

>> Oh, that's fine.

>> We'll have breakfast at 7:30, then I'll take you over to the factory and introduce you around.

Best of all, I'm going to put you on the payroll.

(chuckles) I don't imagine you've got much money.

>> Well, your cashier cashed a check for me.

>> Your personal check?

How much?

>> Oh, it was certified.

$214, that's what was left when I closed up shop.

>> Oh, well that dismal episode is behind you forever, my boy.

Tomorrow's another day.

With more music by the McCorkles, probably.

Jimmy, that old lady is deliberately trying to wreck my health.

>> But why?

>> Just because I want her property.

>> Oh, that's very unreasonable.

>> Yes, it's getting on my nerves.

I can't stand it any longer.

>> Well Uncle Charlie, why don't you go on a vacation?

>> And let the McCorkles think that they're chasing me out of town?

That's just what they want!

Nothing is going to stand in the way of my getting the man that hit me with that tomato.

(coughs) This is my room, if you want me.

I'm going to take a hot bath and a hot toddy and go to bed.

Goodnight, Jimmy.

>> Goodbye, Uncle Charlie.

(soft whimsical music) (light music) ♪ Do you believe in fairy tales ♪ ♪ I do ♪ ♪ I know a place where fairy tales ♪ ♪ Come true ♪ ♪ Just close your drowsy eyes, my dear ♪ ♪ And a genie will appear ♪ ♪ He'll take you by the hand ♪ ♪ And through a star embroidered sky ♪ ♪ On a carpet you will fly ♪ ♪ And you'll awake in fairy land ♪ ♪ A prince will ride upon the sea ♪ ♪ Fa-la-la, la, la ♪ ♪ Do-do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do ♪ ♪ He'll say, fair lady, be my queen ♪ ♪ Fa-la, la-la, la ♪ ♪ Do-do, do-do, do-do-do, do, do ♪ ♪ In this beautiful land of laughter ♪ ♪ You'll live happily ever after ♪ ♪ If you'll believe that fairy tales come true ♪ (lively instrumental music) (soft whimsical music) ♪ Do you believe in fairy tales ♪ ♪ I do ♪ ♪ La-da-da, da-da-da ♪ ♪ I know a place where fairy tales come true ♪ ♪ La-da-da, da-da-da ♪ ♪ Just close your drowsy eyes, my dear ♪ ♪ And a genie will appear ♪ ♪ He'll take you by the hand ♪ ♪ And through a star embroidered sky ♪ ♪ On a carpet you will fly ♪ ♪ And you'll awake in fairy land ♪ ♪ Do you believe in fairy tales ♪ >> Gadzooks!

Stop that infernal music!

>> You white-headed old muzzle!

Nothing stops- >> Quiet, wench!

Get out!

>> Yes, CJ?

>> Go and get the Jester.

>> Okay, CJ.

>> Run, Jimmy!

Run for your life!

(chaotic instrumental music) ♪ A prince will ride upon the sea ♪ >> Run, Jimmy!

Run for your life!

Look out!

Look out, he's got an axe!

>> Wait a minute.

>> Don't you touch him!

Look out!

>> Wait a minute, wait a minute, what's the matter?

♪ Won't you be my queen, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ >> (sigh) What a dream I was having.

>> Well, you just keep right on dreaming.

Okay with me.

>> Oh.

Good night.

>> Good night.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

Is anything wrong?

>> We heard you on the radio.

>> You did?

Wasn't I terrible?

(grunts) Did Molly hear it?

>> No.

>> Oh, she didn't.

Well, that's good.

>> Look, just what goes on between you and CJ Haskell?

>> Oh.

Well, I might as well tell you.

He's my uncle.

>> Oh yeah?

>> Yeah.

Yeah, well here.

I'll prove it to you.

Here's a letter he sent to me.

To James Hamilton Haskell.

That's me.

Here.

You want to read it?

>> No, I read enough.

>> Say, what is this?

What are you doing here?

>> Well I almost forgot what I came for.

In the first place, there's $200, now you can get your instruments out of hock.

>> Did you get that from your uncle?

>> You don't know my uncle.

>> Thanks, Jim.

>> That's all right.

That's all right.

I like the people in this house.

Especially, well, I like everybody.

I'd still like to live here all the time.

But as soon as Molly finds out who I am, she'll kick me out in the alley.

>> Unless of course, she doesn't find out.

>> Well, that'd be very nice, but- >> Now look, you've been regular.

You didn't have to come across with that dough.

I'm for you Jimmy, how about you, Horace?

>> Sure thing.

I'm for you.

>> Well, thanks very much.

I'll just... No, I've still got troubles.

Don't you see?

Sooner or later, Molly's gonna find out who I am.

Just like sooner or later, old man Haskell's gonna find out who threw that tomato.

And it just won't work.

Either way, I'm a dead duck.

>> And how's your uncle gonna find out?

>> Well, he'll see me at the trial, won't he?

>> What would happen if Uncle Charlie didn't show up for the trial?

>> They'd throw the case out of court.

>> Well, there's your answer.

We'll get rid of Uncle Charlie.

>> How?

>> Well, we'll let Red run over him with the ice wagon.

>> Do you think he'd do it?

>> You couldn't do that.

>> What do you mean we couldn't do that?

Red'd love it.

I'll go get him.

>> Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, hold on here.

Couldn't you do something not quite so drastic?

>> Any ideas?

>> Yeah, I think I've got to go back to Point Jervis.

And Uncle Charlie is a pretty tough guy to deal with.

And from the way he talked tonight, you'd better find someplace else to rehearse your band.

Well, so long Horace.

>> So long, Jimmy.

>> Sorry about this.

Willie, thanks for everything.

>> So long Jimmy.

>> Jim, wait a minute.

>> What?

>> That's it.

The band.

He doesn't like it.

>> No, he certainly does not.

What... >> Come on.

>> Come on.

(Charlie snoring) (lively instrumental music) ♪ Do-do dee-dee do ♪ (drum banging) (drum banging) (woman screaming) >> Woman: Don't shoot, Phil!

>> Man: I'll kill you- (gun firing on radio) (lively instrumental music) >> Jimmy!

Jimmy!

>> Do you think it will work, Horace?

>> If these whiskers don't fall off.

>> Yes Uncle Charlie?

>> Jimmy, what are you doing down here?

Who is this man?

>> Well, I'll tell you Uncle Charlie, I got worried about you.

I couldn't sleep.

So I called in a specialist.

Now, this is Professor Hite.

This is my Uncle Charlie.

>> Oh, no.

Nonsense.

I don't need a doctor.

I eat my own health foods.

It's my nerves that are cracking.

>> That's why I'm here, Mr. Haskell.

To work on your nerves.

Relax, please.

>> Relax.

How can anybody relax with that music going on?

>> Music?

>> Music?

>> Both: What music?

>> That creepy music.

Don't you hear it?

>> You see what I mean about this.

>> I tell you, I hear music.

Maybe it's the radio in the library.

It's not the radio.

>> Do you still hear it, Uncle Charlie?

>> Yes, it's still playing.

>> Mr. Haskell, tell me, where does this music seem to be coming from?

>> I don't know, but just a moment, I'll tell you.

It's here.

It's plainer down here.

(mimicking instruments playing) >> Uncle Charlie, don't you think you better go back to bed?

>> I tell you Jimmy, I hear it.

(gasps) Hey, hey, here.

Here.

Here it is.

It's coming from the furnace.

>> Music in furnace.

>> Well, listen yourself.

Jimmy, please tell him that you hear it.

(gasps) I'll get Parks!

He'll get me out of this.

Parks will back me up.

You see if he don't.

(energetic horn music) >> What's the matter?

>> There.

Don't tell me you don't hear anything.

>> Oh, yes.

>> It's about time.

I was beginning to get nervous.

>> Beautiful string quartet.

>> String quartet?

It's bugles!

>> Hears bugles on phone.

>> I tell you, I hear bugles!

>> It's bugles.

>> Don't try to humor me!

>> All right.

All right, now let's go and get some air.

You've nothing to worry about until you start seeing things.

>> There's nothing wrong with me.

(lively instrumental music) Jimmy, look.

Doctor, look.

What do you see?

>> What do you want us to see, Uncle?

>> Girls dancing on the lawn.

>> Where?

>> There.

>> Sees paper dolls dancing on lawn.

>> Paper dolls.

You're right, Jimmy.

I am in terrible shape.

My nerves are all gone.

Doctor, what do you think I better do?

>> Mr. Haskell, give your nerves a good, long rest.

Get out of town.

>> I'll do it.

I'll go up in the woods.

>> Fine.

We'll help you pack.

>> No, not until I find the man who threw that tomato.

>> Now, Uncle Charlie, your health is much more important than that silly tomato.

>> Yes, Mr. Haskell, that's right.

>> You want to let me handle this.

I'll put the finger on that fella.

He's as good as in jail right now, almost.

And while you're up there resting, he'll be well taken care of.

Don't worry about that.

And I'm the guy that can do it.

>> Good.

I'll take the first train out in the morning.

Oh, whoa.

>> What's the matter now?

>> The music stopped.

(solemn string music) All but the bull fiddle.

>> You see, you're improving already.

>> Yes.

(soft instrumental music) >> Hi, Mr. Haskell, what can I do for you?

>> Hello, Mr. Lauderman.

Well, I just dropped in to see if we couldn't make the Haskell Happiness Hour a little bit happier.

>> Welcome, stranger.

Sit right down.

What will you have to drink?

>> Well, I... >> Hello, Mr. Baccus.

>> What's the purpose of this meeting?

>> Well, we were about to discuss the program.

>> You know very well that I have charge of the Happiness Hour during Mr. Haskell's absence.

He trusts me implicitly.

>> Well, not 100%.

>> I beg your pardon.

>> Look, I have a note from my uncle giving me complete charge of the program.

Hm?

>> Well, it didn't take you long to undermine me with your uncle, did it?

>> Mm-mm.

>> How do I know you didn't write that yourself?

Now listen, Mr. Lauderman, there'll be no changing- >> Would you excuse us a minute?

I'd like to talk to you.

>> Yes.

We had better talk this over.

>> Yeah.

Yeah.

Be right back.

(loud thudding) >> Oh!

(furniture clattering) >> I'd like to make some other improvements too.

>> Go right ahead.

>> Well, I'd like to use a band.

>> No, no, no.

Please, no.

We're overloaded with bands.

>> No, but this is ideal, because my uncle hates it.

>> What?

>> Yeah, drove him clear up to Canada.

>> Well then, what do you want to put on his program for?

>> Well, it's pretty hard to explain.

But you see, it'll get the band a break, and then they'll have to thank my uncle for it, and that would make him feel pretty good.

>> Up in Canada.

>> Up in Canada.

Now, there's sort of a feud going on.

>> A feud?

>> Uh-huh.

And then there's a girl.

>> Oh, a girl.

>> Yeah.

>> Hm.

>> Sounds pretty confusing, doesn't it?

>> Well, no.

It sounds pretty good.

>> It does?

Well, that's it.

You play Thursday night over a coast to coast hook up, with the opening of the Eastchester Country Club.

>> That's great, Jim.

How did you ever do it?

>> Well, I don't know.

I just started to talk, the fellow listened.

I'm just as surprised about it as you are.

>> How much do we get for it?

>> Nothing.

>> Nothing?

>> No, you don't get anything.

>> Oh.

>> Well, what of it?

Is it any different than playing for the neighbors and old man Haskell?

What do we get out of that?

At least this way there's a chance.

>> I'm sold.

What can we lose?

That's all right for me.

>> Hey, give me a push.

>> Bonsoir, Monsieur.

>> What did he say?

>> Bonsoir Monsieur.

>> Well, Pran, you made me drag this pack through the woods for four hours to get to a place where nobody can talk English?

What kind of a guide are you anyway?

Hey, Pierre, aimez vous a machine talky talky?

>> No.

I don't think so.

I've got a good one right there.

>> I'm not a peddler, this one is busted!

I want to hear a program in America that goes on at eight o'clock.

>> Oh, help yourself.

>> (huffs) Here.

Get this avalanche off my back.

>> Oui, Monsieur.

>> (grunts) Oui, Monsieur.

(lively instrumental music) (audience applauding) >> Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

That's all, right now.

We're about to start our broadcast.

(audience applauding) Well boys, here we go.

Good luck.

>> What are you, scared?

Oh, just take a deep breath.

(Molly exhales) >> Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

The Haskell Happiness Hour comes to you tonight from the dining patio of the exclusive Eastchester Country Club.

>> Country club.

What the- >> This marks the first occurrence on the air of a new band.

Horace Heidt- >> Music!

On my program?

>> Thank you, and good evening, ladies and gentleman.

This is Horace Heidt, and the first number in our program is "Broadway Caballero" featuring Miss Molly McCorkle.

>> McCorkle!

>> And here she is, the charming Molly.

(lively instrumental music) ♪ He's disarming, alarming, charming, and gay ♪ ♪ First he steals your heart, then he throws it away ♪ ♪ He will tell you of tropical nights ♪ ♪ Make you dream of a thousand delights ♪ ♪ First he'll hold your hand, say you're simply grand ♪ ♪ Soon you're thinking his way ♪ ♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do ♪ ♪ Do-do-do do-do-do ♪ ♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do, do-do-do-do ♪ ♪ The Caballero ♪ ♪ He's never been south of the border ♪ ♪ He's never been Argentine way ♪ ♪ But when he starts to pip ♪ ♪ The chances are you'll forget ♪ ♪ That he's a Caballero from Broadway ♪ ♪ South on Broadway ♪ ♪ He'll hold you and say ♪ ♪ Senorita, right here in my arms you must stay ♪ ♪ And from his dialect ♪ ♪ I know you'd never suspect ♪ ♪ That he's a Caballero from Broadway ♪ ♪ South on Broadway ♪ ♪ His daytime he spends parading on the avenue ♪ ♪ Then later, you'll always find him ♪ ♪ With a girl or two and a bird in view ♪ ♪ He'll take you to all the gay places ♪ ♪ You'll make every Latin cafe ♪ ♪ He'll give you such a thrill ♪ ♪ And then he'll hand you the bill ♪ ♪ This charming Caballero from Broadway ♪ ♪ South on Broadway ♪ ♪ When Madame LaZonga learned the conga ♪ ♪ I swear I gave her the lesson ♪ ♪ Then I gave her the air ♪ ♪ It seemed to be love in bloom, suddenly boom ♪ ♪ Another girl took over from there ♪ ♪ I know if you meet him, you are likely to fall ♪ ♪ His method's a cinch because it catches them all ♪ ♪ He'll sing you a serenade tenderly played upon ♪ ♪ An old mail-order guitar ♪ ♪ He'll bring up the subject of dancing ♪ ♪ And all of his pupils will say he's such an awful bum ♪ ♪ But no one dances the rumba ♪ ♪ Like the Caballero from Broadway ♪ ♪ South on Broadway ♪ ♪ He'll tell you he lives in Argentina's biggest house ♪ ♪ But we know his hacienda is a boarding house ♪ ♪ Run by Singer Claus ♪ ♪ He's such an impetuous fellow ♪ ♪ He's like a dog having his day ♪ ♪ This phony don amigo really comes from Las Vegas ♪ ♪ What a Caballero from Broadway ♪ ♪ He does okay ♪ (exciting instrumental music) (chaotic instrumental music) ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ You'd better lock your heart ♪ ♪ And be prepared to part ♪ ♪ 'Cause that is just the start of your trouble ♪ ♪ You feel you're up on top ♪ ♪ But you are due for a drop ♪ ♪ Because your dream will pop like a bubble ♪ ♪ You be prepared ♪ ♪ You'll bet that you will never forget ♪ ♪ The time with Caballero ♪ ♪ From Broadway Way down south on Broadway ♪ (audience cheering) (audience applauding) >> Molly, Molly, you were wonderful.

Here, you better put this on before you catch cold.

You know what Lauderman said?

Lauderman said the band was worth $1,500 a week, right now.

>> $1,500 a week?

>> Yeah!

>> Jimmy, that means we're a success!

>> I've been double crossed.

Get me a drink.

Bands!

Country clubs!

The McCorkles!

Get me a drink, do you hear!

>> And now, I want to tell you something.

>> Well, it certainly took you long enough to get around to it.

>> No.

This is something that's been worrying me.

You don't know anything about me.

Who I am.

>> Oh, as if that made any difference.

You are you and I am me.

>> Well, I think I'd better tell you about this.

>> Oh, there you are.

>> Oh, go away.

>> Looks like you made quite an impression.

Well, it'll be a different story when I tell your uncle about it, believe me, CJ won't pay for your philandering.

>> Is Haskell your uncle?

>> Yes.

Now, that's what I've been trying to tell you.

If you'll just let me explain now- >> I don't need any explanation, it's all perfectly obvious.

Sneaking into our home, pretending that you wanted to help us, and then making me- >> Now, wait a minute!

Will you please let me explain?

>> What a cheap trick!

You are a Haskell.

>> Hey Molly!

Now Molly, quiet.

They can hear you out here.

>> That's fine.

(audience applauding) Hello, everybody.

I have some good news for you.

Every week, beginning next Thursday, Mr. Haskell, the sponsor of our program, is going to give away $1,000 in cash to somebody.

>> $1,000 a week!

That's a lie!

>> Isn't that generous, folks?

(audience applauding) Now Mr. Haskell, trick your way out of that.

(soft instrumental music) >> I've got to get back home.

How long is it going to take me to get out of here?

>> Well, first port takes two days.

>> How long did it take you to get here?

>> A week!

>> With luck, you can make it back in a week.

>> Then we can, huh?

Let's get started!

>> Jimmy!

Jimmy!

Jimmy my boy, congratulations.

That was a marvelous idea.

How did you come to think of it?

>> It just came out of a clear sky.

>> The Haskell Happiness Hour created nationwide interest in its program last night by announcing that $1,000 a week would be given away in cash.

>> I know, I read all the papers.

>> Here's Mr. Haskell.

>> Morning.

>> Now, this is your uncle's attorney, Mr. Chalmers.

>> Good morning.

>> How do you do, sir?

>> I won't take much of your time.

Just sign this paper, please.

>> What is it?

>> A statement that you did not authorize Miss McCorkle to make that announcement last night.

That she did it out of spite with intent to damage your uncle.

Now, sign here, please.

>> Oh now, wait a minute.

>> There's nothing to worry about.

I'll guarantee you we can get judgment against the McCorkles.

They won't be able to pay, so we take their property.

>> And that's what your uncle's been trying to do for years.

>> Now, sign here, please.

>> That's the funny thing.

I don't like to get pushed around.

I also don't sign anything until I read it first.

Now, how'd you like to get out of here.

Both of you.

>> Don't you hit me again, I have my glasses.

Oh!

Oh!

(furniture clattering) >> Mr. Haskell, your uncle- >> Good day, sir.

Good day.

Beautiful, Park.

>> Thank you, sir.

(phone ringing) >> Why don't you answer the phone?

Hello.

Oh, Jimmy, me boy, how are you?

Oh, you want to talk to Molly?

Well, I don't think it's a very good time to... Just a moment.

You're going to fight your own battles, I'm not doing it for you.

>> I don't want to talk to him.

Well?

>> Look, I hate to annoy you, but this is important.

Now, that $1,000 offer you made last night, it was my idea.

Do you understand?

Now, just don't argue.

Anybody asks you anything about it, just follow Grady's advice.

>> Don't you tell me to keep my mouth shut.

Why should I?

>> Well, if you don't, they'll take your home away from you.

>> What is this?

Another one of your tricks?

I don't need any help from you.

What?

>> I said, don't be stupid.

I'm not doing it for you, this is for mom and the boys.

>> Oh!

>> Excuse me, sir.

Mr. Lauderman and Mr. Samson are calling.

>> Oh, have them come in.

>> Yes, sir.

Come in, please.

>> Hello.

>> Hello, Jimmy.

Congratulations.

Your program was a knockout.

Telegrams, phone calls from all over the country.

People... Oh, I beg your pardon.

This is Mr. Samson.

>> How do you do, Mr. Samson?

>> Hello, sir.

>> Won't you sit down?

>> Yes, thank you.

>> Mr. Samson is an investigator for the federal government.

>> Oh, I see.

What's the government got to do with it?

>> We were only concerned with one detail.

The method by which you will give away the money.

>> Oh, I see.

Well, that oughtn't to be very hard.

I never heard of anybody having any trouble giving away $1,000.

Well, let's see- >> You must understand that it cannot be a lottery.

The government wouldn't permit raffles or drawings of any description.

>> Oh.

Oh, yes.

I understand that.

No, that would be a... Well, how about a quiz contest?

>> No, I'm afraid not.

It was announced that the money would be given away over the air.

Not to a studio audience.

>> Oh.

Well, that sort of complicates it, doesn't it?

>> Mm-hm.

>> Let's see.

Well, oh, how about taking a city directory and sticking a pin in it, and then give the $1,000 to the fellow that gets stuck.

>> No, no.

The city directory is local.

This has become a national affair.

>> Oh, well, let's call the whole thing off and not give away my uncle's money at all.

>> No, no.

The money was promised and must be given away.

>> Yes.

If it isn't, why my company loses its franchise.

And your uncle's business is ruined.

>> And you will be liable to a fine and imprisonment.

>> Well, that's great.

Well, I have quite a choice, don't I?

Either I give the money away and go to jail, or I don't give the money away and go to jail.

>> Hand me the salt.

Still mourning about Jimmy, huh?

Well, believe me, you've seen the last of him.

And he's probably glad he found out just what kind of a girl you really are.

>> All right, Mom, all right.

>> But it's not all right.

A fine lad like Jimmy deserves a girl who really loves him.

Whether his name be Hamilton, a Haskell, or a Hasenfeffer.

>> Well, I hope you're satisfied.

>> What's the matter now?

>> Well, nobody can figure out how to give away that $1,000.

It looks like Jimmy is going to jail on account of it.

>> Oh, this is awful.

>> But Jimmy isn't responsible.

He didn't make the offer, I did.

>> Well, he says it's his program and he's gotta take the rap for it.

>> And are you going to stand by and see that boy go to jail?

>> But Jimmy told me not- >> I know what he told you and why.

To keep the roof over our own heads.

Well, I'd rather we'd lose our house than lose our pride.

>> Oh, mom.

I've been feeling the same way all week.

(phone ringing) >> Yes?

No.

Not yet.

>> Well gentlemen, someone's got to think of something somehow, and soon.

It's tonight, you know, the program goes on the air.

Not next month.

Hm.

And we're no closer to the answer than we were a week ago.

(phone ringing) >> Yes.

>> I've got it!

I thought of this fine boy, and it came to be just like that.

>> What is it?

>> Now look, we'll get that bowl, you know, that great big glass bowl they used for the draft numbers?

>> Great.

That's it.

>> Yeah.

>> All right, boy, I'm proud of you.

>> That'll do it.

>> No, no, gentleman.

Not all.

>> What's the matter?

>> It would be a lottery, and the government forbids lotteries.

>> No, no.

Not yet.

>> Okay, I'll go back, see if I can't dream up something else.

>> You're not sleeping up there, are you?

>> Sleeping?

I haven't slept for days.

I'm eating aspirin tablets like peanuts.

>> Gentlemen, I've got it.

>> What?

>> What?

>> It's the first time I've ever been able to beat this game.

>> Eh.

(phone ringing) >> Yes?

Luck?

No.

>> Why don't you all go down to the broadcasting station?

Maybe if I was alone, I could think of something.

>> Okay, Jimmy, we'll get out.

Samson, come on.

(phone ringing) >> Yes?

No.

Not yet.

>> Would you put that thing off the hook and leave it off?

>> Thank you, sir.

>> Ah.

>> Are you all right, Jimmy?

>> Oh yes.

Yeah, I'm just beginning to get my second wind.

>> Well, you better think of something.

>> Yeah.

>> 7:30.

You heard from Jimmy yet?

>> No.

Nobody answers the phone.

>> How are we to go on the air?

>> Brother, when the chimes indicate eight o'clock, you're on the air.

>> From coast to coast.

(knocking on door) (doorbell ringing) (knocking on door) (doorbell ringing) >> Oh.

Coming, Mr. Haskell.

(knocking on door) Coming.

(knocking on door) >> Well, it's about time.

Why didn't you answer the telephone?

>> Well, madam, you see- >> I want to talk to Mr.- >> Well... >> Well, how do you like that?

>> Oh!

>> (claps hands) Come on!

Wake up!

Come on.

Get up.

Get up.

>> I can't do it.

I can't do it.

It's against the law.

>> Come on.

It's Molly.

Oh, get up.

>> Oh.

You.

>> Yes, it's me.

Now, come on.

>> I suppose you want to know how I'm going to give away that $1,000.

Well, I haven't the slightest idea.

Now, go home.

Go home.

>> Go home, he says.

You come down out of there as fast as you can.

On your feet, big boy.

If you think the McCorkles are gonna let any Haskell fight their battles for them, you're cuckoo.

>> Well, if you think the Haskells are going to let the McCorkles kick them around, you're cuckoo too.

Now go on.

Go away.

Go away.

>> Still going to sleep, huh?

>> Uh-uh.

Now, just a second.

Don't you dare.

>> Madam, you can't do that.

>> Where's the telephone?

>> Oh- >> Oh, well, what do you think you're doing?

>> I'm gonna tell the government man exactly what happened.

>> Oh, no you're not.

>> Oh, yes I am.

>> Here, give me that.

>> No, I'm going to.

I've made up my mind.

>> Let me have that.

>> No, no.

Let go of that phone, now!

I want... All right.

There are millions of other telephones.

(clock chiming) >> That's it!

>> That's what?

>> Hands spinning around.

Millions of telephones.

Millions of telephone books.

Parks!

And it's not a lottery!

>> You are cuckoo.

>> Get my coat.

Good bye.

>> (screams) Ooh!

(lively instrumental music) >> The Haskell Happiness Hour presents the radio sensation of the nation, the Pot o' Gold, featuring Horace Heidt and his musical night.

>> And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, before this program is over, we will give away $1,000 in cash.

The method of giving it will be announced later.

♪ Here we come ♪ ♪ It's a charge of the Hite we hail ♪ (audience applauding) >> You're home, CJ!

>> Jasper!

Did you stop the program?

>> I couldn't.

It's on the air now.

>> I'll stop it, if I have to tear down the studio!

>> Why did I ever go in the radio business to begin with?

Jimmy!

Where have you been?

Have you got an idea?

>> Yeah, this is it.

Take them.

>> What are they?

>> Telephone books from all over the country.

Give them to me, Parks.

Oh, yes.

>> Now, you go and get the rest of them.

>> Yes, sir.

(soft instrumental music) >> Gangway.

Now, listen.

We're gonna give the money away by telephone.

You understand?

>> You cut the books into sections of 500 pages each.

>> With numbers on each one of them.

>> Okay.

Give us a hand here, boys.

Get a table.

>> Got a table right here.

>> After you.

>> Thank you.

>> Oh, that's nice going.

Come on, Parks, we have to go.

>> Ha, ha, ha.

Same to you.

Fine work.

>> Ladies and gentlemen of the listening audience, here's the news you've been waiting for.

The $1,000 we promised you will be given away by telephone, so stand by.

>> Hey, that's my money you're giving away.

And I won't stand for it.

I'll cancel my contract to Lauderman.

I'll telephone you!

Get me to a telephone.

>> All right.

There's a wheel.

Now, how are we going to borrow it?

(crowd chattering) >> Come on boys, take home the big ham- >> You two go around the back.

When I yell snookie, you borrow it.

>> Snookie, what's with the snookie?

>> Get going.

>> All right!

No kind of skill required!

10 cents a can!

Who wouldn't give a dime for a delicious and delectable- >> Snookie!

Oh, where have you been, my sugar?

>> Madam.

>> Oh, why did you leave me in bed, as I'd miss you than the way you did.

>> Madam.

>> Oh, Snook- (light harmonica music) >> Madam, I- >> Why, you're not my Snookie at all.

>> Huh, a character.

How do you like that?

Where we goin'...

I've been robbed!

Police!

Get a policeman.

Later.

Police!

I've been robbed!

>> Jimmy: Gangway!

>> Hello there, young man.

May I use your telephone?

>> Hey Ma!

Daniel Boone want to borrow our telephone.

>> Go away, you tramp.

No one uses this phone until they give away that $1,000.

>> Crap!

Daniel Boone!

>> Look out!

Look out!

(lively instrumental music) >> Hey fellas, come on over here.

>> All right, we're on the air, Charlie.

>> Set it down.

>> Hold on there!

Say, you can't go in there!

This ain't no hillbilly program.

>> Let go of me!

>> Quiet!

Stop this- >> I'm no hillbilly, I'm CJ Haskell!

>> CJ!

When did you get in town?

>> Lauderman!

>> Sh!

>> I want to talk to you!

>> Come on.

Come on.

>> All right, Horace.

Go on.

>> And now, ladies and gentlemen, the wheel's all ready.

All ready for the first spin.

The spin to determine the volume number.

Larry Cotton, take it away.

>> And there she goes, ladies and gentlemen.

This time after that first big volume number.

Yes, sir.

And we want that volume to have your name in it, ladies and gentlemen.

>> And furthermore, I'm not going to give away one penny!

>> Okay.

Well, I've got three men in the sponsor's room right now who are begging to buy this program.

>> Buy it!

They must be crazy!

>> Oh, is that so?

Well, they represent the biggest advertising agencies in this country.

>> Bah!

What?

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

>> We want you to be the one that Horace is going to call a little bit later.

She's going down to get this volume number.

Coming back just a little bit further.

And on, and on, and on.

And it's 124!

>> 124!

>> 124!

>> 124!

124!

Here, I've got it!

(exciting instrumental music) >> Now, we're all ready for the second spin.

The spin to determine the page number.

Larry, let her go!

>> And there we go, ladies and gentlemen.

On that second big spin.

The one to find the page in that volume we chose just a moment ago.

The one page that will have the $1,000 Pot o' Golden name on it.

>> Gentlemen, this is Mr. Haskell.

>> How do you do?

>> The surest fire advertising stunt I've ever seen!

>> Do you want to sell it?

>> Is it good?

>> I'll give you $20,000 for it, right now.

>> Is it that good?

>> I'll make it 30.

>> Trying to steal it, eh?

>> And she's going down, all right, just to find the right page, and there, she's stopping.

And it's page 66!

>> Page 66!

>> 66!

>> I got it!

>> And now, the third and last spin, to determine the name of the person on that page who will receive the actual Golden telephone call.

Larry, take it away!

>> Here we go ladies and gentlemen, this one is for all of the names on our chosen page in our chosen volume, to find just the one right name that we can send the $1,000 Pot o' Gold to.

She's down at the bottom, and coming back a little bit.

Slowing down more and more and more and more, and there it is!

Our listing is 38!

>> Listing number 38.

>> 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

It's... >> What?

Oh.

>> It's- >> The name is Mr. Olaf Svenson, 3 RJ ring 7.

Ring 7.

>> Plunkett.

Plunkett, Minnesota.

>> Plunkett, Minnesota.

>> Operator, kindly give me Mr. Olaf Svenson, 3 RJ ring 7, Plunkett, Minnesota.

>> That's right.

(lively instrumental music) (clock ticking) (phone ringing) >> Coming.

All right.

Call man, keep your jacket on.

Yeah, hello?

>> Stop the clock, boys.

Stop the clock.

(boys chattering) Hello, is this Mr. Olaf Svenson speaking?

>> Yah.

Yah, this be Olaf.

A pot of what?

A thou, you give me... Hey, I ain't got no time for monkey business!

What?

You give me $1,000?

Elsa!

(body thudding) >> Look, why'd you make my Olaf faint?

What?

A thous... (body thudding) >> Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Folks, they're speechless!

(crowd laughing) >> It's a million dollar idea, and it's all mine.

All- >> Oh, so they brought you back alive, did they?

>> What are you doing here?

>> I'm enjoying our program.

>> Your program!

What are you trying to put over on me now?

It belongs to me, you understand?

>> It does, does it?

Why the whole thing was Molly's idea.

Now- >> Molly's idea!

Who is Molly?

I want to tell you- >> CJ!

>> Eh?

>> It's all right.

We got you out of the whole mess.

>> You're not liable for anything connected with the program.

We fixed it so Ms. McCorkle is responsible for the whole thing.

(Mrs. McCorkle laughing) >> You nitwits!

You numbskulls!

Get out of here!

Get out of here!

>> That's winging them, Charlie!

(laughs) >> Charlie?

(both laughing) >> Oh, and Molly's responsible for the whole thing!

>> Yes!

>> Hey, where are you going?

>> Out.

>> Oh.

Horace got the call through on the telephone, so I guess everything's fine.

>> Yes.

Everything's fine.

>> Yeah.

Well, I guess it's just one of those things, huh?

The McCorkles are allergic to the Haskells.

>> I expect so.

>> Yeah.

Thought so, yeah.

Well, that's bye, Molly.

>> Bye.

>> Well now, Jimmy.

>> Uncle Charlie- >> Oh, you come with me.

>> Come on.

You were in on this, too.

>> Mom!

(somber instrumental music) >> Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce the two young people who originated this program, and which will be a permanent feature of the Haskell Happiness Hour.

Miss Milly McCorkle and my nephew, Mr. James Haskell.

(all applauding) >> Yay!

>> Say something.

Tell them how happy you are.

>> Hello, everybody.

I just want to tell you how happy I am that everything turned out so well for everybody.

(Molly sobbing) >> Ladies and gentlemen, the reason she's so happy, is that we're gonna be married any second now.

(crowd laughing) >> All right, Miss McCorkle, trick your way out of that one.

(lively instrumental music) (all humming softly) ♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪ ♪ The family way ♪ ♪ Your another way ♪ ♪ When Johnny toots his horn ♪